Nature versus nurture is the age-old debate whether our traits, personal characteristics, and even our future potential are predestined by our genetic, inborn nature or shaped primarily by the environment in which we live. Rather than one outweighing the other, we now know through the study of epigenetics that our genes and our environment are continuously interacting to shape us into the adults we are today.
The interaction between nature and nurture plays out in Parshat Toldot, in the story of Yitzchak and Rivkah’s twin sons, Yaakov and Esav. Each was born with his unique potential which needed to be harnessed and shaped for the good. Esav, born first, emerged hairy, as if already protected by the woolen coat he would need to become a hunter in the fields. Yaakov emerged second, on Esav’s heel. Esav had physical energy and determination, and Yaakov was deeply spiritually sensitive.
The meforshim explain that Yitzchak saw unique strengths in both sons, but may not have realized the extent to which these strengths needed to be recognized and refined so as to complement, rather than conflict with, one another. In contrast, Rivkah understood that blessings need to be placed where they can influence our children to achieve their potential. Birth order did not need to be determinant.
This theme–recognizing the strengths within each child and nurturing their development–resonates deeply for us as parents and educators. We don’t have Rivka’s prophecy of knowing who each of our children will become in life. Yet, we do know that every child carries individual strengths, interests, and nearly limitless potential, who with guidance, instruction, and encouragement to take risks can become anything they want to be.
For example, children who may have a genetic predisposition for shyness, when provided a supportive environment can become highly successful, socially confident adults, even sought-after public speakers. Dyslexic children can become renowned scholars and writers. Restless, high-energy children can become gifted filmmakers, artists, and inventors. Children who struggle with math and science can grow up to be caring and knowledgeable nurses and physicians.
These successes are not predestined, nor are they handed to our children. Rather, they are earned through hard work, persistence, and determination. Despite our every attempt to protect them, our children will have many failures in life, and moments when they may conclude that they were not meant for the path they have chosen.
When that happens, as it does for Rivkah when she cries out from the pain of her sons’ struggles within her womb, it may be exceedingly difficult for us to avoid internalizing the pain of our children’s challenges. When our children are stressed, we may feel as though the struggle is ours, as well. However deeply we empathize with our children, it is up to us to recognize that struggle not as a sign of failure; rather, it is a sign of development and differentiation.
There will be plenty of challenges to be overcome, hard lessons to be learned, and yes, iY’H plenty of successes to celebrate. We daven that by giving our children the courage and guidance to use their gifts for the good, we will help each of them become whom they are meant to be as successful, resilient, contributing members of klal Yisrael.