From Parshat Vayeshev to Parshat Miketz, we see the metamorphosis of Yosef from the depths of a pit to the height of Egyptian leadership, propelled by his ability to interpret the dreams of first Pharoah’s butler and baker and then of Pharoah, himself.
As we recall, in Pharaoh’s dreams, seven fat cows were consumed by seven lean ones and then seven plump ears of grain were swallowed by seven lean ears. Yosef informed Pharaoh that both dreams communicated the same message, that seven years of plenty would come upon Egypt, followed by seven years of famine. Yosef advised Pharaoh to hold the excess grain that would be grown in the coming seven years in reserve for the lean years to follow. Pharaoh was greatly impressed by Yosef’s wisdom and named him governor of Egypt, placing him in position to propel the story forward.
Two themes stand out from this story. First, Yosef stood out to Pharaoh for his ability to identify the patterns in his dreams, from which he was able to discern their meaning. The first man in the Torah known to be wise, Yosef had the ability to connect the dots. He not only possessed knowledge, but he could see the similarities in repeated events. Based on the patterns of the past, he could project into the future.
Second, Yosef modeled the power of patience and emunah. Yosef had to wait two full years in Pharoah’s prison before he gained his freedom, until the time was right according to Hashem’s plan. As the leading character in his personal story, Yosef couldn’t see where he was heading or understand the role he would play in the history and development of the Jewish people. The hand of Hashem was hidden from Yaakov, as it is from us, behind the tapestry. What looked like a series of random circumstances was actually part of a larger divinely inspired plan.
The outcomes we desire do not happen merely because we wish them into being. There is a greater plan for us, as well. As a child, no doubt like many children, I would pray to G-d for what I wanted – a friendship to develop, a good grade in school – things that mattered to me. When prayer didn’t quickly solve the problem to my satisfaction, I questioned the point of it all. Such is the simplistic and tenuous spirituality of a child. I had to learn how to make friendships and choose the peers who would value me as a person. Similarly, I had to learn that succeeding academically required putting in time and dedicated effort, and using the most effective strategies for the task. It wasn’t Hashem’s job to do the work for me. But, He was a partner in my story, guiding me to make the choices that would form my life’s path.
Good things come to those who wait. That’s one of the important messages of childhood. Just because our children want something doesn’t mean they have to or actually should have it now. Waiting builds self-control, reduces impulsivity, strengthens resilience, and creates the space to consider what truly matters. Will they still want that exciting new toy next week? Probably not. Will they be able to recover from a social misstep or learn from receiving a disappointing grade? Yes, they absolutely can.
Our role as educators and parents is to guide our children to look for patterns in their lives from which they, like Yosef, can gain wisdom and insight. Through reflective conversations, we can help them brainstorm a list of choices they may have to handle a given situation. What did they try last time and did it help? Should they try a different approach so the outcome will be different?
Although our ability to reflect on the past and discern patterns helps us to see beneath the surface, it is the calming, centering belief that Hashem has a plan for us, that acknowledges that we alone do not shape our future.
We, both children and adults alike, still have to work hard to try to see the meaning in the lows we experience, the meaning obscured behind the tapestry. But, if we hold on to our conviction that everything will turn out for the best, this reflective mindset can help shape an approach to life that is resilient and hopeful. That is the greatest gift we can give our children.
Chanukah Sameach and Shabbat Shalom!