“You must do the things you think you cannot do,” said Eleanor Roosevelt, diplomat, author, advocate, and First Lady of the United States. For our children, and indeed for us as well, this sounds aspirational, perhaps even unrealistic. When faced with a task that feels difficult, do we tackle it head-on because we relish a challenge? Or do we shy away from it, afraid of taking a risk in case we fall on our face?
Fear of failure is one of the biggest stumbling blocks preventing us from taking on challenges, large and small. In Parshat Vaera, when Hashem instructs Moshe to go to Pharaoh to release Bnai Yisrael from bondage, Moshe is initially afraid to take on such a tremendous responsibility. Insecure in his ability to communicate, he is afraid that Pharaoh will not listen to him any more than Bnai Yisrael did.
The first time Moshe approaches Pharaoh, his request is soundly rejected. Pharaoh instead makes life worse for the people, doubling their quota of bricks, and withholding the straw necessary for their production. As a result, Bnai Yisrael is furious and rages against Moshe.
Moshe doesn’t give up, however, and tries again. This time his staff is transformed into a snake, but that fails to impress. Then, he brings the rest of the plagues, one at a time, to convince Pharaoh that Hashem is on the side of Bnai Yisrael. Pharaoh becomes incrementally moved by the plagues’ power. We are on the edge of our seats. It looks as though he might capitulate, but each time he renegs. That is, until the tenth and final plague that takes Pharaoh’s son. Only then, does Pharaoh recognize that he is no match for the Gd of Bnai Yisrael and releases the Jewish people from bondage. Moshe finally accomplishes his goal.
We see that Moshe tries and fails repeatedly before eventually getting Pharaoh to cave. From the mashal we learn that “A righteous man falls seven times, but rises again.” (Proverbs 24:16) Everyone falls. We all do. In fact, if we aren’t putting ourselves in a situation in which we might fall, are we truly challenging ourselves? The problem lies not the failing, but in not picking ourselves back up and trying again until we succeed.
As Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb, reflected: “Meaningful success cannot be achieved without failure. I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Fortunately, for Moshe and Bnai Yisrael, success didn’t require 10,000 attempts, but what can we learn from this to help our children grow into resilient adults who embrace, rather than fear, challenge?
When our children are very young, just learning to walk, they don’t just stand up from a crawl and off they go. With determination they fall, and get back up, over and over again. And soon they’re running. Until they fall and scrape their knees. They look to us to decide how to react. If we are calm and reassure them that they are fine, that is how they will learn to interpret their failures. If we make a fuss and suggest that they should try a safer activity, they will internalize a very different message.
Disappointments, setbacks, and embarrassments hurt. But those feelings are temporary. We remind our children that even Moshe Rabbeinu failed. What made him successful was his determination to persist in spite of his failures.
Persistence is “the quality that allows someone to continue doing something or trying to do something even though it is difficult or opposed by other people.” (The Britannica Dictionary) Moshe doesn’t take his failures as confirmation that he lacks native talent or ability. He persists, knowing that he has a vital role to play for Bnai Yisrael, and he will be strengthened by seyata diShmaya, Hashem’s faith in him.
At OCA, we don’t believe in making things easy just so students succeed. Doing so actually diminishes students’ motivation to try hard things because their success becomes meaningless. They can see right through it. As Mrs. Shar teaches all of our students who have had the good fortune to be in her first grade classroom or in the OCA Theatrical Society, they can do hard things! If they keep trying, by using strategy, reflective thinking, persistent effort, and using their resources, our students can, like Moshe, accomplish truly great things for which they will rightfully be very proud.
Shabbat shalom!