In Parshat Vayishlach, Yaakov wrestles with an unknown man, a malach in the form of a human. It is thought that the interaction between Yaakov and the malach reflects the duality and at times conflicting relationship between our physical and spiritual needs. To engage in the inner struggle between our spiritual and physical selves, between what we can see, hear and touch, and what we believe, is what it means to be believing person.
Even the most devout among us struggle at times with our emunah. We wrestle with spiritual doubts and conflicts. We are imperfect in our belief and practice. Through the ups and downs of life, it is our deep commitment to Torah and Hakadosh Baruch Hu that drives our commitment to raising our children to be believing, knowledgeable, Torah-observant Jews.
Developing an understanding of who Hashem is begins in early childhood and continues to evolve throughout childhood and adolescence. At each stage of development, children’s ability to understand and relate to Hashem in increasing abstract ways expands. Both driving and supporting that growth process is the rich opportunity to teach students about Hashem in ways that are developmentally aligned with their capacity to understand.
Young children are naturally inclined to be spiritual. Filled with a sense of wonder, they actively construct their own understanding of what they experience and observe. They love listening to stories, singing songs, and following rituals and routines. Always watching us, they are eager to learn from and copy what we do; they want to do the right thing.
Dr. Deborah Schein, originally a Jewish early childhood educator turned researcher in childhood spiritual development posits that spiritual development is based on three interrelated factors: (1) being able to ask big questions within the context of trusting personal connections with others, (2) observing and engaging in experiences that generate wonder, awe, and joy, and (3) learning to act toward others with caring, kindness, and empathy. These key factors are reinforced by parents and educators closely observing and guiding their children, by their own modeling, and by recognizing and pointing out the spirituality of individual moments.
Spirituality nurtured from the early years plays an important role in the development of resilience in adolescence and throughout adult life. In adolescence, teens search for their identity and sense of purpose. They struggle with choices that may seem appealing in the moment, but may not be appropriate or beneficial in the long run. They eagerly seek a connection to and acceptance by a peer group. At the same time, they yearn for a connection to something larger themselves. With guidance and modeling, our teens learn to reach out to develop connections beyond themselves to their community. They learn to think about others, in parallel with internalizing a deeper sense of spirituality and connection to Hashem.
These are the years when we can help students develop their inner strength. When they begin to grapple with what is real, true, and meaningful versus what is superficial, false, or fleeting, they learn, sometimes the hard way, whom they can rely on and where to turn when they need help. Children who grow up with spirituality in their lives are less likely to experience depression, substance abuse, and to engage in high-risk behaviors. When permitted to question and (respectfully) challenge their parents, teachers, rebbeim, and Hashem, Himself, they develop confidence, gratitude, humility, and empathy.
When our children face challenges and experience difficult times, which they will, we teach them that they are not alone, that the Torah reminds us that Hashem will be there for us, just as He was for Avraham Aveinu. We teach them that they are resilient that challenging experiences push us beyond what we think we were capable of accomplishing. Those times provide us the opportunity to learn how overcome our limitations and fulfill our potential. If we aren’t experiencing those moments of challenge, we aren’t growing. It’s not easy to overcome challenges at any age, especially as we are growing and figuring out who we are. However, we teach our children that through our tefillot, we gain focus, strength, and courage to come through on the other side with greater clarity and purpose.
Our children, like ourselves, will wrestle with their inner nature, with their competing wants and desires, and with Hashem. With a strong foundation in spirituality, built on the ability to question, observe, and wonder, and strengthened through the practice of chesed, tefilla, and community building, our children will develop the resilience and emunah to be able to accomplish incredible things.
Shabbat shalom!